I don't know what beauty is

I don't know what beauty is


Lately I have been trying to understand beauty. What it is, what it means, and what it's purpose is in life. If you came here for answers, you can stop reading now: I haven't been able to figure it out.

My goal was to come to a solid answer to the question:

What is beauty?

Is it something that you feel? What do you call that feeling? Is it a quality you can possess? Is it a quality you can ascribe? Is it something that can be developed in a person? Can it be counterfeited? Faked? What is beauty?

Let me explain how my mind works: when I start a deep think about a concept or idea. I like to explore it from every angle. It's like a chase. It's intriguing to me; even thrilling. Probably because I'm a big nerd.

Now the chase is nice, but at some point I want to come to the end. I want to cross the finish line with a satisfying conclusion. I want to elegantly wrap up each concept with a nice little bow and put the box on the shelf. Then I pick up another disorganized box of fragmented, tangled half-thoughts to start the process all over again. I'm not very good at it, but that’s not important right now.

I don't know how to do any of that with the topic of beauty. The deeper I dive into it, the more chaotic this box becomes.

So this post is going to be a messy timeline of thoughts I've had the last few months. Welcome to my head.

Let's think about beauty.

Sunday, December 9th, 2018. 8:12 am

I've been sitting at my window for half an hour watching the wind dance with the falling snow. It is beautiful.

Wednesday, December 12th, 2018. 8:46 am

I think about my friends and the things they've overcome in their lives. Instead of giving in to bitterness, they chose to learn and grow into more complete people. To me, that is beautiful.

Friday, December 14th, 2018. 7:28 pm

One time I saw an old married couple out on a date. Holding hands, they stared into each other eyes. Each gave the other their full attention. Their bones were tired, but their hearts were still alive with love for each other. That's beauty.

Saturday, December 15th, 2018. 11:21 am

Sometimes I see photographs that seem to express something I can't put into words, but a deep part of me feels something very profound.

Sometimes I hear songs that seem to put the rest of my life on hold for a few moments. I get lost to the song; I let it take me where ever it wants.

I don't know, but these kinds of moments feel beautiful.

Saturday, December 22nd, 2018. 2:09 pm

I've been thinking about a God whose creation turned against Him. We rejected Him. We introduced pain and destruction to a world that only knew perfection. We brought a shame on ourselves that we were never intended to experience.

It was our own fault. But God took our destruction like a body catching a bullet. Why? To save us. To be with us. He gave up everything He had because we wasted everything we had.

That is beauty.

Friday, December 28th, 2018. 8:01 pm

Bitterness eats away at beauty.

Wednesday, January 2nd, 2018. 4:55 pm

I think beauty and love are closely related. Please don't ask me to define love. I can't handle that right now.

Tuesday, January 8th, 2019. 12:31 pm

You know when people say she's out of my league? What does that actually mean? Beauty is not a league-based sport, is it? Where does that phrase come from?

Have there ever really been standards of beauty? Or just trends? Who has the authority to call something or someone objectively beautiful? Or call it ugly?

The way we speak of physical beauty often implies that there exists some objective rule-set to define it. But ask someone to define those rules and see if they answer you with anything that even begins to resemble objectivity. I've only heard people describe their personal experiences and personal preference.

I've read articles before with titles like "Scientists Discover The Most Beautiful Face In The World" and "Golden Ratio Beauty Calculator." There's an assumption hidden in these titles: that we all agree on an absolute definition of beauty. But we don't.

Wednesday, January 9th, 2019. 4:34 pm

When I see or hear or experience beauty, it makes me feel... something. I can't even tell you what. But something deep within me comes alive.

Friday, January 11th, 2019. 11:03 am

It's weird that I have lived all this life up to this point with an idea of beauty but very few words to actually define it.


Do you feel as lost as I do now? Let me know I'm not alone. Or did reading this spark some thoughts in you? Let's talk! Comment below (I'm usually nice person)!

Pizza enthusiast but pineapple nonbeliever. Intellectually aspirational but emotionally unpredictable. Usually happy but sometimes sad.

Going after God.