Yesterday I saw a beautiful sunset.
It was one of those sunsets that are so beautiful they make your soul hurt a little, but in a good way. It should have been a nice, peaceful moment, but it wasn't. I started to get frantic. I wanted to take it all in. I wanted to seize that moment with everything I had. I wanted to make it last, to make it count. But this sunset went by so quickly, I didn't even have time to grab my camera. Which is why this photo is just me in a ridiculous hat that I love even though I know it's ridiculous. I went out of my way to pose that shot, can you believe that? Like I went looking for a good backdrop, set up a tripod, made moody artistic faces, and everything. Ridiculous.
I kinda cringe whenever I hear someone say "live in the moment." Because I'd really like to live that way, but I just go way overboard with it. Whenever I find myself in a meaningful moment, I try to like... exist harder, so I don't miss anything. It's actually kinda stressful, please stop laughing.
The Carpe Diem way of life sounds so carefree and so passionate at the same time.
But sometimes it's like trying to find a grip on running water. Honestly, I don't know what it would really look like to always live in the moment. It probably doesn't mean you try so hard to squeeze every last ounce of enjoyment out of a moment that you forget to put your metaphorical cup under your metaphorical moment-enjoyment-juicer. But that's what I tend to do, and it really takes the fun out of it. So is there a cure for hopeless moment stranglers like me?
Well strap in, baby, because this is where it gets good. Sorry I called you baby.
As I stared stressfully into the sunset, God spoke to me. "Why are you so frantic about enjoying this? Just because it won't last? Dan, you know there will be many other sunsets after this one." And I realized what I was doing. I was trying to fit my whole existence into that one moment. I forgot about the bigger picture.
I do that with a lot of things. I hold with a death-grip those people, places, seasons, that are meaningful to me. But some parts of God's beautiful creation are only made to last a few seconds before transforming into something new.
Now Here's a guy that looks like he knows how to carpe SOME diem.
Nice job guy!
We know that we need to let go of the past. To stop carrying past pain and hurt into our future. But what about letting go of the wonderful parts of the past? I don't mean we have to erase them, but maybe we need to stop trying to freeze them in time, just the way we want. Maybe we need a loosened grip on the bad and the good of the past, knowing that God is always making something new.
Maybe the answer for frantic moment-seizers like me is...
Let go and look ahead.
Pizza enthusiast but pineapple nonbeliever. Intellectually aspirational but emotionally unpredictable. Usually happy but sometimes sad.
Going after God.